If I Were You

Does size matter?  Is bigger better? That’s no small question to Tom Little—the circus midget with giant dreams. 

         Tom may be king of the midgets, but he’s got far grander ambitions—to become the muscleman at the top, the ringmaster.  Now, drawing on some dark ancient secrets and mystic texts, he’s about to get his wish.  Imagine a pint-sized Mickey Rooney on steroids, trading up into a body like Burt Lancaster’s.  Then imagine paying the biggest price of all…. 

Assuming another man’s identity, Tom discovers he must also take on his sins, debts, and enemies.  He may be living large—but now there are those who want to make him pay for the big man’s sins.

If I Were You (Fantasy Adventure)

By L. Ron Hubbard

Galaxy Press www.goldenagestories.com

ISBN #978-1592123599

Price $9.95

121 Pages

“A Fun Fantasy Romp.”

This book actually contains two stories: IF I WERE YOU, originally published in the February 1940 issue of FIVE NOVELS MONTHLY, and THE LAST DROP, co-written with L. Sprague de Camp.

         IF I WERE YOU is a circus setting. Little Tom Little is only 30-inches tall, and wants to be bigger. Well, not just bigger, but he wants to also be the Ringmaster of the Johnson Super Shows circus, but standing in his way is Hermann Schmidt, a huge, powerful ruffian that currently holds that possession. Tom has made the Professor mad, because he won’t bend to his will. On his deathbed, the Professor call Tom to his bed, leaving his trunk of magic and books of evil knowledge to the little man, knowing that Tom will use the books to get into trouble. Which, indeed, he does. Learning the power of switching minds with anyone, Tom chooses Hermann Schmidt, and then everything starts going wrong for the diminutive fellow.

         In THE LAST DROP begins in the Hole In The Wall bar, where bartender Euclid O’Brien has received another whiskey bottle from his brother in Borneo. Euclid’s assistant, Harry McLeod decides to make his own mix with the strange brew, but nobody will take a chance, so Harry swallows it down, then leaves the bar. He’s not gone long before a fly lands on the mixture, sips the nectar and instantly begins to swell to enormous size. They also learn that Harry is now the size of a building, and one of the wise men figures out an antidote – if that mixture makes them bigger, then his mixture will reduce them in size. Yes, it works, but the local mob enforcer gets shrunk instead, and now the mob is involved. It can only get worse from here.

         The stories are definitely odd, but totally fun. I highly recommend the book for its fast-paced entertainment.

Tom Johnson

Author of PANGAEA: EDEN’S PLANET